Here lie updates, rantings, musing and other things which could potentially fall under the label 'news'.
14-05-12
Chomp down on today's tasty UPDATE, salsa-suckers! It's the saddest story you'll see today about an imaginary pachyderm, HANDS DOWN. Unless you watched that "Tusko, the Elephant Who Was Forced By His Peers To Eat His Dead Parents" documentary.
Tom
10-05-12
Ladybirds! Not beetles, not flies! They're neither! They're BOTH! Today's doodle is in a similar throbbing vein.
Tom
08-05-12
Hoo boy, it's been a while. Have a new update on the house. Don't huff it all at once.
Will
22-04-12
Check the doodles section why not, but first make sure your monocle is sturdily attached because you're in for a pleasant cetacean surprise.
Will
12-04-12
A new comic. It's basically about how old people are jerks.
Will
10-04-12
Seasons' weepings, y'all! This doodle might be late, but not as late as the Second Coming. And that's always the benchmark.
Tom
01-04-12
Gotta doodle for yah! It's about the most sacred of vocations - slashing throats.
Will
30-03-12
Did you miss us? No?! SCREW YOU CHUMP-FACE. Anyway, here's a new update. Hope it was worth the wait. We'll try and cool it with the anthropomorphism from here on but, hey, don't blame us if we can't. Talking animals are all that turns me on any more.
Will
11-03-12
So despite boxing up all his possessions to take to the monastery, Will's found time to force out a steaming new doodle. If you're of the opinion that the internet doesn't have enough anthropomorphicised, sexualised animals, then today is your lucky today! If you aren't , then hoo boy, you gon' be maaad.
Tom
05-03-12
Right, so if you haven't read the text beneath our scalding hot new update I'm totally moving this weekend. Updates should go back to normal in a couple of weeks if all goes to plan. Don't think we don't love you though! We've got an goddamn incendiary doodle in the chamber so check back in the weekend to feel it slapping limply against your cheeks.
Will
26-02-12
If you want scalding hot political satire, you've come to the right update. PRET-ty sure the Guardian will be knocking our door down in a matter of minutes.
Tom
22-02-12
Do you like doodles? How do you like THEM doodles? Please imagine you were just punched in the crotch by a doodle.
Jesus Christ, you could've worn something nice, we have a new doodle coming round. Fuck sake.
Will
11-02-12
You may have already seen this one 'cause I put it up for part of the image challenge for b3ta.com this week. So sorry if you have. If you haven't then suck it.
Will
29-01-12
A new update comes shambling out of the darkness, it's breath heavy with the stench of cooking sherry. You thumb your keys between your fingers and you stare it down.
Will
22-01-12
So by some miracle you found a sexy human to do sex with. They've come back to your flat for 'coffee'. Aw man, how best to seal the deal? Top tip: rub this sensuous UPDATE into their skull and eyes. It's foolproof! By which I mean proof that you are a fool.
Happy new year from both of us at WFHIT towers! Gotta new update for y'all, oughta keep you guys busy 'til 2013.
Will
22-12-11
Hey all! Got a fresh new COMIC for yah! Apologies for a bit of a gap between updates, but, well, you know. You KNOW.
Will
27-11-11
New update. Fairytales and facial deformity, a combination I'm surprised it's taken us so long to stumble upon.
Will
24-11-11
Hope you don't find today's UPDATE a... SPIKY subject! HAHAHA! Seriously, though, hedgehogs died for this. Don't laugh. You're sick.
Tom
13-11-11
If you like pirates, and you like complex genitals, then you'll LOVE today's update! If you like neither of those things, then you'll probably find it pretty distasteful, to be honest.
Tom
06-11-11
A NEW UPDATE! It's been like, a month, so I can only apologise. It's been crazy busy at work, Tom's been moving house, I've got some other non-website things to be drawing at the moment, and uh, I've run out of excuses now. Anyway, I've got like, five updates to draw up, so I'll try and get back to reggullar schedule sometime soon.
Will
15-10-11
Hah! Guys! I completely spaced and forgot to tell you I'd uploaded a new doodle! And that was, like, on Wednesday. In any case, I've now gone and put another doodle up! So that's double doodles! Doodle!!
Will
27-09-11
Been a little while, but I've tensed up my pelvic floor real hard and squeezed out a brand new update! Hope it helps scratch that webcomic itch! By the way, you should probably get that checked out, if you keep going at it like this it's only going to get infected.
Will
27-09-11
Hey! Hey! Checkit! We done did a guest comic for the rather straight-laced*, wholesome** webcomic ComicBlasphemy.com! You should take a look, go on! Major thanks to Matt over there for letting us defile his website with our smutty trash! In other news, there's a new doodle! in the pile.
Will
23-09-11
A new update! I'm working on a mega-doodle at the moment which may or may not be the best thing ever. Keep your eyes (and meatus) peeled!
Will
10-09-11
We like to get into the relevant, contemporary and hard-hitting subjects that most comics are scared to touch. Take this update, Jeff Goldblum! Take it to your gigantic face!
Tom
04-09-11
I drew, inked and uploaded this NEW UPDATE before I could give myself a chance to realise how terrible it is.
Will
23-08-11
New doodle. It's all fun and games up to and including when someone loses an eye.
Will
21-08-11
From the sticky depths of a hangover from hell I bring you an update. Conceived and scripted by T. Nash esq with some childlike scrawlings and pencil smudges from myself.
Will
10-08-11
Been a little while. Not a portent of things to come, honest. Here's an update. Oughta do yah!
Will
31-07-11
If you like the quivering, goose-pimpled flesh of bare buttocks combined with the delightful tang of 19th century slaughter, today's NEW DOODLE might just be the thing for you!
Tom
17-07-11
NEW DOODLE. It only works if you're going over 88mph.
Will
14-07-11
Jesus Christ! An UPDATE! And it's all covered in blood and spit and faeces... so a considerable step up from our usual output.
Tom
06-07-11
UPDATE. Drawing the second panel of this one made me want to reconsider my sense of humour.
Will
03-07-11
Heeyyoooo! I got a quick n' dirty new comic up. There's been a bit of a run of comics of my creation, so I apologise for what has presumably been a dissapointing few weeks of checking the website for something that's actually funny. But it's okay because I just got an email from Nash with a couple of blinders in it, so I'll hopefully have them drawn up and in your grills in a week or so.
Will
26-06-11
New doodle. This is going to be the title of my autobiograpy.
Will
19-06-11
New update abound. I've been experimenting colouring shit digitally. I'm half pleased with it, but then when I see the irritating ease that other internet artfolk work their digimagic, it's a bit disheartening. From what I hear, I need a Wacom Cintiq. Any of you broes wanna lend me £1000?
Keen eyed folk among you may have noticed we're kind of almost sticking to a weekly update schedule here. Good spot! Gonna try and keep it up, so y'all better 'ppreciate. Love yah!
Will
31-05-11
This update will be like my lovemaking - inaccurate and incredibly quick. New update hereabouts. Enjoy it!
Tom
24-05-11
Ahoy hoy! Gonna keep this brief as it's well past my bedtime. Gorra new doodle up. Enjoy it, willyah?
Will
21-05-11
Just so you know, even though I'm presenting you with this'un, it's one of Nash's ideas. He's just too busy with his so-called "real life" to be spending his hungover Saturday morning blearily HTML-ing. Anyway, this gives you a unique opportunity to decide which you prefer - Nash's shitty words or my incandescent, orgasm-inducing pictures. Take your time deciding, but it's me.
Will
19-05-11
Sorry for a bit of a sporadic update schedule this past week. It's not an indicator of things to come, honest, my computer packed up and died. Apparently a petabyte of sexually explicit Pokemon fan fiction was too much for it to bear. Anyway, after much frustration, I'm back at it. I have several updates ready to go so I may just upload two at once as a special treat. Aint you lirrull beggars lucky? Aint'cha?
Will
14-05-11
I've stuck up a new doodle. If you're American I think you may have to picture "AXE" in place of "LYNX". I do absolutely love their marketing strategy though, because if reducing roughly half of our entire species to vacant, gawping jizz-receptacles doesn't sell deoderant, what could? Anyway, it's half three on a Saturday and I'm only just verging on drunk, so clearly I have some work to do. Hopefully a real update tomorrow. I'll keep you informed.
Will
07-05-11
Our updates often feature superheroes. Some would say that they are the equivalent in comics as vampires are in sexually-confused and emphatically dull teenage girls' literature - the crutch of the mentally-downsized. But you're wrong. Do you know why? Because our superheroes are full people, with dreams, aspirations, and the tendency to call Pictionary 'pricktionary' and then snort under their breaths.
Tom
30-04-11
This 'un took me a mule's age to do. While all the other kids are out getting laid and mugging grannies, I'm here sitting indoors doggedly airbrushing anal pustules. And what bloody thanks do I get? Bah. Ingrates the lot of you.
Will
26-04-11
Sometimes comics which I think are hilarious when I'm half strung on Morrison's own-brand huffing bleach start looking less and less funny the sober, toothless morning after. It's no masterpiece but it is an update, and, like my bowel movements, I'm really gonna make an effort to make them a bit more regular this time around.
Will
24-04-11
Thought I'd weigh in as well. It's good to be back! I could probably try to explain away the last two years of inactivity with some nonsense about full-time employment, the strain of modern life or seven months away for lewd behaviour in a nursing home, but I know you just want me to draw something horrendous like a picture of a cock with boobs for nuts. Okay. By the way, I've set up a "the twitter" account for this website, because if you're not new media, you're a fucking pathetic joke. Get on it: @wfhit.
Will
24-04-11
Well, we heard there are some folk out there who aren't sickened and furious enough to burn down the building of our ISP yet. Admittedly they are out in the Sahara desert without access to internet, electricity or water, but they exist nonetheless. So we're back to catapulting crud back into your eyes like javelins made of medical waste. Congratulations! This new update should fill you with the appropriate level of nostalgia and sensation of radiation sickness to remind you what we're all about: baby-hatin'. Keep it unsanitary!
Tom
17-06-09
Pangolins? Huh? That's probably what you're thinking right now. Well prepare to be enlightened! Pangolins are sort of like a cross between an anteater and an armadillo. They have no teeth, instead utilising a massive spindly tongue to suction up ants and termites and whatnot. They are covered in big keratin scales which clamp tight over their bodies, as well as special valves over their nostrils in their nostrils and ears to prevent the tiny insects they prey upon from breaching their otherwise impenetrable defenses. In 2004, the World Wildlife Foundation declared pangolins to be perhaps the most bitching land mammal of all time - and I can't help but agree! It is my prediction that pangolins are gonna be the next big meme du jour on the internet, after that stupid shitting cat that looks like it's playing the piano. So I'm gonna be the first to teather myself to this bandwagon - PANGOLINS RULE!!
LOL, LOOKIT TRUNDLE!
Will
10-06-09
Anyone else notice how our updates are alot like buses? You can spend weeks (nay months!) staring agape at your watch, absent mindedly thumbing your testicles through the linen of your pockets, and then two only bloody come along in the space of a couple of days! Also, like buses, they are full of the mentally ill and sometimes reek like piss. Anyway, my point is: got a newdle for ya! It's another one of my experiments into acrylic painting, but don't worry, these won't all be generic pictures of unsavoury characters saying unsavoury things; I've actually been working on a big one (you probably won't find it as gleefully amusing as I do, but hey) that should be ready soon. So until then, bidges! Keep it homely!
Today's update is so incredibly hilarious because it actually happened to Will. The first two panels are a true conversation. The last is, admittedly, just a guess, but I fail to see how it could possibly have happened any other way.
I am, of course, an exceptionally famous and magnificent doctor. If you're feeling sick, you can email me your symptoms and I will be able to tell you exactly what type of cancer you have got.
Tom 20-05-09
Don't get used to this flurry of updates! If past performance is anything to go by, there's a real big drought a-coming, so if I were you I'd stockpile some water and not piss for a while. By the by, that free doodle giveaway is resolved, so please, please stop your torrent of emails, both of you!
Will
17-05-09
"Here comes Bernard! 'Watch' out! Haha!" is what all the kids in the playground would say about Bernard and his creepy watch obsession. As he grew older, of course, and his interest shifted from his timepiece to his codpiece, he discovered that he didn't need friends anyway. Not with his powers. He'd show them. He'd show them ALL.
Incidentally, if we're all gonna start bragging about our blogs, I guess I'll nail myself to that bandwagon. My blog is a weekly thing, and it deals in black 'n' white WORDS - none of your fancy-pants drawin's. You're welcome there as long as you wipe your filthy feet before you come in.
Keep it cool and spicy, like dipping your end in salsa!
Tom
17-05-09
Okay, so I've put that doodle on the site anyway - with our sparse update schedule, any activity is gonna make a welcome change. This is the picture I'm giving away (mainly to gauge if there's any demand for this kind of scrod out there), so if you fancy a free picture of a threatening man in jeans, email the address in the 'us' page. Also: Please be sure to have a sodding fantastic day!
Will
16-05-09
Hey y'all. I did a painting, spent about half an hour looking at it, and decided that it probably wasn't interesting enough to make the site - I mean, I don't want the doodles page to become this second rate repository of all my inane scribblings. But then I thought I wanted to force it down the throat of the general public anyway so I went along and restarted my blog. Also, if anyone's interested, I'm giving the aforementioned doodle away - for freebs! Anyway, I'll probably be updating my blog with lots of this sort of muck, so if you're interested in artwork rather than humour, then look me up, braw!
Apparently Will was too busy crackin' wise about my medically-interesting and handsome groin acne (the salty Cornish air does nothing but exacerbate things) to remember to tell you guys about this update. Luckily, James T. Suave over here knows two things about writin' news posts!
The first is 'leave your audience annoyed and waiting for something.'
Tom
26-04-09
Something fresh! You might have noticed that since the last update, we haven't exactly been very prolific here at WFHIT. Those of you who appreciate golfing analogies have probably thought that this is par for the course, but you tartan trouser wearing motherfuckbags can shove your nine iron where the sun don't dare to shine. Anyway, I did have a point to make in all this mess. Oh yeah! Nash has moved, far, far away to salty Cornwall, presumably in hope that the sea air will soothe his terrible groin acne. I suppose I could use this as an excuse for our inactivity, but the truth is, we generally think up ideas separately anyway (except for a fewexamples). So don't expect too much change around here. We're still both gonna neglect the living shit out of this suppository of broken wordplay and vagina jokes, except now we're gonna do it with the inconvenience of hundred-odd miles between us. Anyway, I've drawn up an actual front-page type comic which I should get to uploading pretty soon, so don't go anywhere, people!
Will
18-03-09
New Doodle! I hope you appreciate it, because it wasn't easy prying Will off that hippo-bender to draw it up for yuz. Even now, he's fashioning himself some tusks and using sewage for breath-spray to try and catch himself a sexy lady 'potamus. This can only end in tears. Tears... of love.
I'm not sure what will become of this site when the nature's great events series ends. I guess the sluice gates will close up on the tiny trickle of inspiration I've been oozing out and I'll just have to go back to drawing cocks and fannies. Anyway, the week's about to start again - the bloody inconsiderate shit - so I've gotta get showered, put some foundation on and suck in my gut. Until next time, y'all!
Will
12-03-09
Update! Hope you like looking at it as much as I liked drawing it. Although, actually, drawing it kind of ate into my evening a bit, so it wasn't all that fun. Let's try again: Hope you like looking at it as much as I like hippos. That's better. I absolutely fucking love hippos.
Will
04-03-09
Hot chocolate soup! Do we have a bonanza for you! ...Yes. Yes we do. Not only a plum new Update for your greasy eyes and brains, but a funky new Doodle for you to leer at and make feel exposed and violated! Consider that a two-course meal for your sexy synapses, friends - and it's on us!
Tom
25-02-09
First point of order: Hello, Zoo! Thank you for linking us from your site! A website link is pretty good! It's not print, of course. I mean, nobody's saying that you should have put it in your printed magazine or anything. That would probably seem ungrateful. But I am DARING you to DO JUST THAT. That's right! A dare. The most dangerous of all peer-pressure devices! Let us see if you will rise to the challenge.
Second point of order: no doodles or updates until at least the weekend, I'm afraid. Will is without a futuristic space-oblong that some of you may know as a "computer" because he spilled some sort of fluid (I was too terrified and tumescent to ask) all over his power cable. When he can muster up a new one, more pictures! More words! More... love?
I'm dimly aware that Narwhals are becoming the next big pirates/ninjas/cats with bad grammar meme that everyone is all like 'lol awesome' about. But hey, I'm not down with that, I've just been watching the latest Attenborough documentary and groovin' on the potential of these lovely furtive beasts - and so should you! Anyway, here's wishing everyone a pleasant kip and to have dreams of buxom ladies (any buxom ladies reading just carry on doing what you do best).
Will
11-02-09
Managed to save this lil' fella from desuetude outta the bottom of my doodles-to-do pile.
I never actually saw the film in question here, so I can't make much of a judgment on it's quality. I can, however, say with reasonable doubt that this version would be approximately twenty-five billion times better.
Will
10-02-09
A solitary doodle limps feebly from the miasma of non-updateryness that has hung heavy over the last few weeks.
You see, unfortunate though it is, I have bagged myself a full-time job, which so happens to require early starts, neck ties and for all employees to leave their passions, hopes & dreams on the welcome mat. So there is precious little time in between all the small talk, wretched coffee and interminable diversity training (because apparently racism is bad now? Grandpa would be rolling in his grave if God had had enough pity to snuff the poor bastard out of his Alzhiemeric limbo) for me to actually get any drawing done. No-one feels worse about this than I do.
Will
28-01-09
We don't promise much, because promise leads directly to expectation. So we don't promise to update regularly, or say anything very deep. We don't promise that we'll cater for everyone, or even that anyone will find an update funny besides us. So you know, that now, when I promise to you that there is a spunky new update waiting for you, all dolled up and wondering why you haven't come home to see it yet, that I mean business, son. Go forth and edify.
Tom
25-01-09
I'm back, and I'm BAD. Got a new doodle as well. Rhinos are undoubtedly the best adapted creatures in the animal kingdom for laying back with a fattie and chilling the shit out.
Will
25-01-09
A new update has slithered its way out of the gaudy quagmire of scribblings that I call my sketchbook and right onto your computer screens! Incidentally, it's in greyscale because I right-royally ballsed up the watercolours and couldn't be bothered to fix them properly. You see, I do care after all!
Will
18-01-09
Like us, you've probably been growing gradually annoyed that to see a new Doodle, you have to load a page with more pictures on it than fleas on your granny, murdering your bandwidth or other internet words that I pretend to understand. You may have even cast Romanian curses on us under your breath. And you were right to! So we've created a SECOND Doodle page for you, you lucky bloody scamps. This is basically the same as the other one, but there will be far fewer on the main Doodles page, which will regularly have Doodles culled from it and shipped over to the other one. so that it remains a low-fat option. Because we care, boys, girls and others. Because we care.
Prehistoric self-flagellation probably wasn't as fun as we've led you to believe. The T-rex doubtless would've had to dislocate both his shoulders just to get his tiny little arms down to his scaly ole member. Anyway, enough palaentology lessons for today, fellas, it's a glorious English sunday and me and Nash are gonna spend it quaffin' ales and chompin' on pub roasts. There's another update imminent, so hold on to your junk, folks!
Will
07-01-09
Happy Christmas, Merry Kwanzaa, Good Jew-Days and Praise Allah! More importantly, Happy New Year! Unless you're Chinese. Not because you celebrate a different new year... just because. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID.
Having successfully started off on all sorts of wrong feet, it is my duty, pleasure and secret shame to inform you that there is, in the one hand, a new update, and in the other, a new Doodle! But you may choose only one. And I suggest you choose... wisely. Actually, since it doesn't matter whichever one you pick, you might as well look at them both, you greedy little scraps. Keep on wiggin'!
Tom
11-12-08
BAM! This is the final menstruation joke I'll do this year, I promise. It took me all of three and a half seconds, and if you don't like it, then you're a ghost of a person. Or a lady, and you actually have to go through these ghastly uterine haemorrhages once a month. In which case: gutted.
Will
11-12-08
When you've got fresh, hot update leaking all down your trousers, believe me when I say it'll take more than non-bio detergent to scrub that stain clean. You're marred for LIFE, sister. Enjoy!
Incidentally, I don't understand - or care to understand - this world of wizardry and acne that is called the 'cybernet', but we've been asked once or twice for an RSS feed. These requests were dutifully ignored because we are far too busy and handsome to stand around decoding initialisms, but it seems that somebody has made use of a clever little website to make one for us. It points, sensibly, at this page, so you'll be alerted for either an update or a doodle. Thanks, anonymous web-rat! You're the greatest!
Tom
03-12-08
A new update! This pokes mild fun at religious sorts, but it's okay, because I am pretty sure that I read somewhere that they're all pretty laid-back about that sort of thing.
Tom
02-12-08
New doodle! And hopefully there'll be more hot on its tail. Anyway, consider me Barbara bushed. Much love, y'all!
Will
26-11-08
Hot, sultry milkmaids! A new update!
Happy birthday, Billy! You rat-bastard. All I ever got for my birthday was hit in the eye by the jagged end of a broken Fabergé egg.
Yeah, we were rich. Rich in everything... but love.
Tom
02-11-08
I think this lastest one must be the first drawing in a long, long while that I've been anywhere near happy about. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed doodlin' it. Anyway, I'm mulberried - off to bed, y'all; papsy Will needs his rest. Sleep well, and pleasant dreams!
Will
01-11-08
New doodle!
Boobs really are brilliant, aren't they? For a something as simple as a globular mound of fatty tissue with milky little doorbell stuck on the side, they sure can evoke some powerful emotions. So, to any and all lady readers - thanks! Thanks for the mammaries!
Will
24-10-08
Evening, all! I bring you a new doodle from very cockles of my groin. It concerns everybody's favourite videogame protagonist and his secret love for the coinage, the hoes and the genuine goomba-skin upholstry in his crunkin' set of wheels.
I also regretfully have to inform you that due to moving house, job searching and all those other things that being an active member of society entails, there's gonna be a little lull in updates for the next couple of weeks. My humblest apologies!
Anyway, sleep well, internet!
Will
11-10-08
Getting a new pet is an exciting time, but also fraught with worry and tough decisions. Which behavioural techniques are the most humane whilst also the most effective? How do you demonstrate a level of love for your pet that won't turn it into a soppy, drooling, dependent and chubby wreck of an animal? Most importantly, how do you economise on its food while providing it with ample nutrition? The answer to at least ONE of these questions lies on the Doodles page, right now! Get your inform on!
Tom
07-10-08
If you go down to the doodles today, you might be pleasantly aroused!
Oh, and if the great comic-drought of '08 hasn't killed you all off, then regular readers should know that there won't be any updates until next monday (although I might blast a doodle in Tom's direction for him to upload later in the week, just to tide you over until your next proper hit). So uh, sorry 'bout that. Anyway, until then: keep it supple, keep it moist!
Will
05-10-08
Hello people! Will here, for the first time plunging elbow deep into the luke-warm septic tank that is HTML editing. Nobody told me just how lonely it gets in here. Anyway, just to let you know, we got a new doodle (newdle?) and a shiny new comic up, too - and what's more, I uploaded them all by myself! Next stop, big boy pants!
Will
02-10-08
If you are a fan of WFHIT?, you'll both doubtless have noticed that we haven't updated for a while. For this, we can only apologise, and hope that the gut-wrenching ordeal of checking the site every hour upon the hour every single day, only to be smothered in Mama's Hot Disappointment Sauce, hasn't had any ill effects upon you or your constitution. Certainly, we cannot take responsibility for wives, children or senses of self-respect that have left you in your ultimately tragic obsession, nor for any fires started etc.
Traditionally, now, I would offer excuses for not updating much. So here they are:
We've both been doing our last years of university, which were each project intensive and left barely enough time for us to drink ourselves to death.
Since then, Will's got himself a more-or-less full time job, and has not had too much free time.
He's also been moving around a lot, which means that his internet has been largely off.
I went to America for the best part of a month after my degree.
I'm now spending a lot of my time job-hunting (incidentally, if any of you know someone UK or internet-based who needs a reliable writer, let me know! I'm not joking. Let me fucking know).
However, we are now both able to hang out again every so often, which is good news for you, the humble reader, who should soon be seeing pictures posted more often. Unless you don't like our stuff, in which case it's bad news. Sorry. There are one or two other FTP-related things that we've done which should make updating easier for us, too (and may mean you get to see Will posting on the news bit a little more often), but I won't bore you with details. Who needs details? This ain't some high level science experiment, you jerks!
So the upshot is, thanks for sticking about, or, if you're just joining us - why didn't you join us sooner? What's wrong with you? Is your internet-watch slow? Get out.
P.S. In response to the thrilling lists of things I said I'd explain on the main page, women love shoes as baby-replacements. This is why you see so many women walking around on babies. Mental.
Tom
16-09-08
Hot, crusty spunk! TWO new doodles! Possibly more things to come! I'm excited! Are you excited? GET EXCITED!
Tom
19-07-08
If, like me, you see little point in flumping out of bed, you regularly fantasise about clobbering the general public with oversized Lego bricks, and it still burns just a little when you urinate, then today's update is for you! And also everybody that this list doesn't apply to.
Tom
11-02-08
What ragged filth is this? A beloved childhood icon colliding with one of life's harsher realities? What kind of jerk would draw this?! I'll tell you: a magnificent kinda jerk.
Tom
30-01-08
Why not round off the month with a hot new update? I'll tell you why: you don't DESERVE one. Oh, what the hell. Okay. Go on then. You don't know you're born, you know.
Tom
28-01-08
Here at WFHIT?, we bloody love bears. Look at them. They're like large, incredibly muscular, exceptionally hairy and often marvellously destructive hugs on legs. They're our favourite potential killers, and they should be yours too, which is why the Doodles section should now make you choke to death on your own curdled joy.
Tom
22-01-08
"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "What Fresh Hell Is This, back on form and partially sober!"
"Oh, pisstruffles."
That's right! We're back all over the internet like images that are inappropriate for boardroom meetings and funerals! Tell your friends, tell your co-workers and most importantly, tell yourselves! We'll be returning to a roughly-weekly schedule, though not necessarily Sundays. Who knows? Not us, that's for damn sure.
Tom
12-01-08
Happy New Year, Hellions! May your year be filled with slightly less scrot (unless you happen to think scrot is great, in which case we wish a bounty upon you)! There's a new Doodle up which is pretty reminiscent of what we've been doing this entire time. Take a look and then send us money and sympathy! In that order, preferably.
Also, just so you know, Will has started a blog, because that seems to be the kind of thing that all you funky hipsters and hippy funksters are doing. Check it out at your leisure - and sexy, sexy peril.
Tom
11-12-07
Today's doodle concerns a response to an argument about the existence of God similar to the Question of Evil, called the Question of Ugly. Why on earth would God create ugly people? Let's watch!
Tom
10-12-07
Ever wondered how to combine your interest in woodland animals with your interest in being a motherfryin' G? If so, do we have the Doodle for you!
Tom
09-12-07
A new Doodle up, showing that being skaggy don't mean you gots to give up the romance, baby.
Tom
04-12-07
Things have been troublesome at WFHIT? central recently. First we experienced a bunch of technical problems with the FTP engine, and now that's been resolved, we have less technical problems. As you may or may not know/care, we're each in our last years of university, and sadly this means we have to occasionally do a little work. More accurately, we're drownin', cap'n. While we love this site, it occasionally has to go onto a back-burner when it's at loggerheads with 'not failing life'. In a couple of weeks, normal updates will hopefully resume, but until then, we'll just be putting up the odd Doodle to tide you guys over. Sorry about all this, but we hope you understand.
Tom
02-12-07
We haven't been able to put today's update up yet , partially due to a technical difficulty, which will hopefully be resolved as soon as possible. Thanks for bearing with us, patient, delicious reader!
Tom
01-12-07
There's a particularly festive new doodle up, so get on over there and get seasonal, baby!
Tom
30-11-07
A new doodle is up to grace your eyes and brains. It's been designed to bring the terrible, sad messages of racism and discrimination to the kids with fresh, hot video game references that they can totally identify with! Or some such nonsense.
Tom
25-11-07
The traditional Funday update lies glistening and twinkling like a forbidden grape, just waiting for you to sink your eye-teeth into it. Have a bite!
Tom
19-11-07
A fresh new doodle spurting out at you, with probably the most viable alternative to a nationwide cull you'll see this afternoon.
Tom
18-11-07
It's still technically Sunday, and as you all know, that now means that we've just laid a fresh, steaming update in your modem. Don't thank us now - or if you do, thank us with lots of money and hookers. That seems reasonable.
Tom
13-11-07
New doodle. What would be better, a robopoet or a hobopoet? Don't decide now - we'll do it for you.
Tom
11-11-07
New comic up, in glorious technicolour! If by technicolour, you mean about eight colours. Which you should!
Tom
05-11-07
New comic up, and if you don't laugh at it, Mormons are going to come around and defecate in your plant pots.
In other news, don't forget that if you're going to be playing witgh fireworks tonight, you should take all precautions. I'm inviting all the firemen I can find to a massive shindig and there will be no-one to put you out. Enjoy!
Tom
01-11-07
Two new doodles up, and boy, are they booty-tastic!
Now, I know we've only had one update of the new schedule, so this is completely ridiculous, but I'm afraid that Sunday's update will be delayed until Monday afternoon. The reason for this is that I'll be in the Lake District, giving those lakes and hills what-for, with my feet and spit. However, the Monday update is a dead cert, and then regular Sunday updates will continue like nothing went awry at all. Trust me. Oh, go on.
Tom
28-10-07
New picture up, and if you like fists, babies or combinations of the two, you're gonna chuffing love it.
In other news, we are finally implementing a schedule. One proper update every Sunday to cram down your craws, and as many doodles a week as we feel prone to making. By which I mean 'as Will feels prone to drawing'. So watch out, everyone: this shit's about to get REGULAR.
Tom
17-10-07
Two new doodles up. They both contain the power of awesome, so if you have some sort of allergy to awesome, stay away. You may go into hyperawesomic shock.
Tom
11-10-07
Incidentally, the reason that updates are still sketchy this week is that Will doesn't actually get the internet in his swanky new pad until Saturday. After that, hopefully it'll all return to normal. Which is to say: sporadic, unpredictable updates of questionable quality. Hooray!
Tom
09-10-07
New doodle up - and it's the kind that will probably scar if you don't get it looked at.
Tom
08-10-07
New picture and several new doodles up. It's still going to be slightly sketchy for the next week, but we are definitely out of traction and back in action. How does it feel to be back in the hot seat, you ask? I'll tell you: great. Great and sweaty.
Tom
26-09-07
Wow, I really thought I'd updated it, but it turns out I just dreamed that I had. I don't know what's worse - that I can no longer distinguish reality and fantasy or that I have such exceptionally dull dreams. Either way, I'm afraid that Will is now without internet, and so updates are still on hold. I know, I know. It's a pisser. If you do keep checking back though, know that we love and and appreciate it. Enough sentiment! The vaguely unsettling comics will soon be smearing themselves all over your retinas again, I'm just not sure exactly when. Within the week, hopefully. In the meantime, why not read a book, write a play or kill off Pete Doherty once and for bloody all?
Tom
16-09-07
Okay, everyone: no updates for a week or so. You were warned, so hopefully no-one is going to jump out of a window into a chipper, but I'm aware that that's a risk of this whole situation. See you soon!
Tom
14-09-07
New picture up. I bet no-one has ever thought about supervillains in everyday situations. That's probably the most original thing ever.
Tom
14-09-07
New doodle up. If you have any sort of fish-related crime which needs solving in a dare-devil, wry manner, this fellow is the one to call.
A lot of people (or rather, a large percentage of a few people) seem to compare us to PBF, or worse, accuse us of ripping PBF off. This really confuses Will and me, to the point where we run frantically about the house, losing our hair and teeth in sheer, unadulterated bafflement. PBF is an excellent site and most amusing, but it really isn't our style at all. There are similarities, I guess, but no more than in a lot of webcomics. For a start, PBF relies mostly on a visual punchline, usually (or often) with a two-panel set-up, whereas we rely mostly on verbal humour, and the set-up (if there is one) varies a lot. There are concurrences, sometimes, in theme or style, but no more than there are between us and, say, Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal. Therefore I rule the PBF comparison inadmissible and fine you all a hundred boxes of Lucky Charms, which we miss.
Tom
12-09-07
New picture and doodle up. I'm pretty knackered, so I'm not sure that I've done them the right way around. You don't care though, do you? All you want is fat, juicy humour delivered direct to your brain.
WELL HERE YOU GO, JERK.
Tom
11-09-07
New picture and new doodle up. It's a coincidence that they both contain references to soft drinks. Or IS it? Maybe that's what the government wants you to believe. Fight the power!
Tom
09-09-07
New picture up. If you disagree with anything that this picture implies, you are a cad and a coward and we hate your face.
Tom
09-09-07
New doodle up, and believe me when I tell you that it's smokin'.
Tom
08-09-07
New picture up for you all to cram into your eye-holes and scream "yes! Yes! It hurts... SO GOOD!".
Or possibly smirk at briefly before going to some other website and forgetting it entirely.
Tom
07-09-07
Two new doodles up, all ready for your eyes to gaze upon and explode in delight at.
Tom
04-09-07
TWO new doodles up! THREE updates in one bloomin' day!
NUMBERS!
Tom
04-09-07
Okay, so we're all friends here, right? Right. As a result, we feel it's important to give you the low-down regarding updates. Firstly, we're very sorry for not updating more recently. Once again, internet/enjoying our holidays got in the way of more frequent updates. We've got a list of things to draw up quick-sharp though, so hopefully more should be up soon. In fact, we're hoping to get through quite a few over the next couple of weeks. Then I'm going to university, and since Will is a computer-mong, it'll probably be put on hold for a week. If it takes any longer to sort internet out, I'll just nip down to internet cafes to update. This is because I'm dedicated like a private eye on the trail of his ex-wife's killer. The transition period will begin on the 16th of September. We'll let you know more when we do. Huggles!
Tom
04-09-07
New picture up. This one will make you crumble at the knees and spurt at the heart. If it happens the other way around, consult a doctor immediately.
Tom
24-08-07
New doodle up. We've got bear to spare!
Will
20-08-07
New doodle up. Small chilren have long held that broccoli is probably bad for you, and now we can see that they were right all along. But we didn't listen. We didn't listen!
Tom
20-08-07
New picture up. If you're easily offended by the concept of wife-beating, then good news! It has nothing to do with wife-beating.
Tom
16-08-07
New picture up. It concerns the true story of a holy talking sausage. The Vatican COMMANDS you to see it.
Interestingly, web opinion of WFHIT? is deliciously polarised. Like marmite, you either love us or you hate us. Some of you may try to love AND hate us, but you people have bigger things to worry about than a web-comic.
Tom
07-08-07
New picture up. It is for sadistic people and also for people who find sadistic people amusing. If neither of these applies to you, LOOK AWAY, lest your eyes burn and your fingers turn to spandex.
Tom
04-08-07
I'm taking advantage of this lull in cyber-frottage to scan and upload a new Doodle. It is an informative poster, the likes of which Gordon Brown would do well to save and print out to stick on his bedroom wall. Therefore, in the interests of national security, I present you with a big old version of it, for posterin'. If you want a still-larger version (perhaps to paper your house with), you can get the original by emailing us at freshhellcontact@googlemail.com. Be warned though; it's chuffing massive.
Tom
02-08-07
Hallo. You might be wondering why there has been no flurry of activity within the last week or so. This is because Will has moved house, and has no internet with which to send me lovely pictures. As I have all the artistic talent of a paraplegic underwater, I'm afraid we'll all have to wait until he's back online, which could be anytime from today. However, we have a couple of long-ish comics almost ready to use, and no doubt Will's been furtively scribbling away amid the move too. Perhaps he has drawn a cockroach stripper. Perhaps he has not.
Tom
26-07-07
New picture up. Nudity is the highest form of wit. It's true! When God goes to cocktail parties, he glues a little afro and some booglie eyes onto his end and does Huggie Bear impressions with it. FACTOID.
Will
25-07-07
Introduction of the news section! I expect that the news today consisting of the creation of this news section is post-modern, or something.
New Doodle up. It concerns cats. I love cats, personally, but don't tell that to Battersea, or they'll batter me.
We occasionally toss about the idea of making T-shirts, but we don't need to when Christians will do it for us. I'm pretty sure that this counts as a ringing endorsement of this site... by GOD.
14-05-12
